It's nearly my mother's birthday; she would have been 75 this year. We lost her several years ago yet time has done very little to ease the pain. I understand and accept that the pain of losing her is now a constant in my life. That's just the way it is. Often, when I think about her, my emotions ride a roller coaster… I'm sad in the beginning but that gives way to anger, anger that she left me. The anger doesn't last, though. Soon I think of her voice, her manner, the things she said… and maybe I laugh remembering.
I prefer to remember my mother with laughter instead of tears. There's that old cliche that "she'd want it that way", but it's honestly true. My mother hated to see me sad. I didn't know it when I was small, but as an adult I could see the pain on her face when she thought I was hurt. That's how I knew she loved me wholly and unconditionally. I wonder if she ever knew how much comfort she gave me and just how much she meant to me. She was and will always be my best friend.
As I get older, I see her face in my own. It's a blessing because I know she's always with me; she's a part of me. I think of her and I miss her every single day, and I always will. It may break my heart every day missing her, but a broken heart means I loved dearly.
And I did.
For that, I am grateful.